i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
