I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
