I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
