that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
