We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
