Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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