I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
