got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god