Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?