i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.