And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A+ Viking dick