After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.