im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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