Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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