She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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