Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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