I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
