I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
