I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
