I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
