Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
