help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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