I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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