the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
