you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
