Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
