You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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