Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
