So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
