I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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