Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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