I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
