your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize