i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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