My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
