My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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