Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
