At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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