I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
