this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
