Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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