i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
