you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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