Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
