Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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