Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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