Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
