You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
