my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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