i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Someone signed my nipple.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think i got beer on your cat.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
