He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
