I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
birth control should be required to get into college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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