Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
