I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
