I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
