My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
