Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
