Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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