i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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