I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
