It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
