mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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